Classic DF – A Parable of Pain

I get alot of e-mail and even more posts on other web pages about my social commentary posts. It’s is thrilling that people think I’m writing about them, BUT unfortunately none of the last five posts here are about any unless so noted. So stop e-mailing me about them! However, if it makes you feel special, you can pretend I’m writing about you. Today, however, I would like to write today about something specific. It pertains to something that has troubled me for approximately two days now. I want to talk to the public for a second here… the non-biased, I don’t really know you, but I do read your web page people… about some stuff I’ve been contemplating. If a friend of yours were to suffer a debilitating injury, one that in effect takes most of his life away from him due to mobility issues, how would you treat that friend? He/she is bed ridden. He/she suffers constant excruciating pain that is reminiscent of being stabbed with a knife repeatedly. The pain is so intense it keeps him/her awake at night and ruins any hope of performing manual tasks/labor the rest of their lives. In effect that injury has left them disabled. Now, would you mock someone in a wheel chair? Would you call someone a retard because they have problems adding numbers? Would beat up a paraplegic just because they couldn’t fight back? Obviously, barring personal issues, no. Now, lets say there was personal issues, but out of the goodness of their heart (and because they are a real friend) they ignore a large dispute and conduct themselves with good conduct around that person. However, the person who is picking on them won’t let things go and continues to harass your friend. They drive by your friend’s house and attempt to destroy their personal property. Now your disabled friend never fights back, in fact he turns the other cheek always. He/she always walks away and when his/her friends want to kick the crap out of the harrassers he/she pulls them away worrying that it won’t solve anything. In short, your disabled friend is a nonviolent pacifist. Now your harassing friend continues to mock your disabled friend. The harrasser won’t harass other people because he/she is scared of those other people and tends to run away from a fight crying. The harrasser knows that they can take advantage of your friend’s disability and uses it to vent their frustration with their pathetic lives. You got all this so far? Good. Now you want to be friends with both these people. You have been friends with both of them for a long time. So you never take a side. Now, one day in a public place while eating with your disabled friend the harrasser shows up and start to belittle your disabled friend. The disabled friend gets up with his other friend walks away. Well, you go to hang out with your harrasser friend and he/she starts immediately making comments about your disabled friend as he/she limps out in pain. Is that funny? No, you feel bad, but you don’t want to lose a friend. What do you do? This is what has happened to Daemon Immortalis… he suffered a horrible injury that has left him disabled indefinitely. Due to a lot of betrayal by ex-friends he has been harassed and made the butt of jokes. His friend, Rock, has found himself in a predicament where he is stuck between three groups of friends. Rock doesn’t want to lose any of them, but may have chosen his path by proxy. I don’t know how you would feel as an unbiased reader, but I know plenty of biased opinions. So here is mine: selfishness can only create the self centered disillusioned world that currently these malicious harrassers live in. With that they have sealed their fate of decadence and misaligned hopes. I hold no pity for their final judgment and damnation is their legacy. That I can do nothing about nor do I care about their fate. However, I personally hold Immy in the highest of regards. When I had been beaten down and left for dead he was there. When I turned my back on him and came back a prodigal son he took me in. When I needed guidance or some one to confide in… he was there. Ever silent, willing to listen, to turn the other cheek and forgive my sins. In the end Immy is the best friend I have ever had. Aside from my wife, Melissa, he is the only who has consistently defended my opinions and sought to hold my honor in the face of adversity. He is a what all friends should be… always faithful. Immy did not choose sides. He did not choose to be disabled. He did not choose to be harassed and continually hurt. I am angry beyond any recognition and the only thing that stops me from confrontation is that I hold his wishes in highest regards and his wish is that I too stand silent. How then can you mock him? Immy has held the world up on his back and it has destroyed him… so is the fate of all good men. Immy has been put where he is right now and does not hold any one with malice. With that in mind how come it is so hard to figure out how to choose sides? Especially when it seems you may already have… the hard path is often the one you do not choose because it doesn’t seem viable. The hard path though is the one worth taking for a friend because they would do the same for you. Treat your brother like your brother… not your enemy…

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Classic DF – 10/22/99

Oct. 22, 1999: Everyone has an opinion and in the words of Rev. Daemon Immortalis, “That’s a beautiful thing”. However, sometimes if you can’t say something nice you shouldn’t say it at all. That’s from Mrs. Brigsby in the The Secret of Nimh. She was a smart mouse. Rock has shared his insights into Melissa and my posts about “friends”. I guess Rocky was right on that point, but sometimes being mute only leads to being taken advantage of. As was this case, I believe… I could be wrong (but I’m not so shut up for a second and keep reading:). The only life long friend I’ve ever had was my Mom… she has been there since she shot me out of her crotch 22 yrs. ago. Ummmmm… everyone else has been there less time. I guess that isn’t wasn’t what Rock meant exaclty… I think he was striving for the more proper term of “long time friend”. Well, I did choose my long time friend. Rock, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you won’t stay any longer with one person than the one you marry. That person will be the longest friend (and lover etc…) you’ll ever have. Your wife should be forever, at least that is what Mel and I are striving for. Anything less and you shouldn’t marry that person. So I did choose my long time friend and companion, Melissa. So what is it Rock was really talking about? I think what he was hoping to say was: Damn it flAn, why don’t you wait for them understand your marriage like you did for me?! Good point, I have an answer: 1.) When you love someone as deeply as I love Mel you defend that person from anyone who is out to hurt them… they were out to hurt her and Covalence was hoping to somehow steal back Mel… the reality check for him should have been she was never his and she hates his lame butt. But, that’s another point for another time. 2.) Covalence didn’t want to understand us… he wanted to destroy us. Why? I don’t know… maybe he has become the big drinker he was bragging to everyone he is… maybe he’s an alcoholic or something. The only help I could offer him is the advice to seek professional counseling and treatment in a good Betty Ford Clinic 🙂 He never supported our marriage not because it was too fast, but because he was jealous; case closed. That person isn’t a friend…. and Rock if you think that person is a friend: me and you need to discuss why you shouldn’t let people use you or hurt you, even if you think they are a friend… they are not. 3.) Who cares about their friends more than their wife… oh yeah, those divorced guys! Don’t be foolish sheeeeeeeesh!!! I can understand what he means though (and I say that without sarcasism). You think, Rock, that if I give those idiots a chance maybe then they’ll figure out that Mel and I followed our hearts… that’s why we didn’t wait and we spend so much time together, because we really love each other. I couldn’t agree more with you my friend EXCEPT Covalence isn’t going to accept that… he hates both of us because we are everything he wishes he was: married and happy. Jealousy will never allow friendship and hatred can never be ignored. So I give you this… we’ve given everyone a chance to understand us; it is them who refuse to understand and therefore never will. There is no reason to hold onto friends when they are long gone from the time you were friends. There is no reason to hope for change when they never will. And there is nothing to say when they won’t hear what you have to say. The deaf ear hears nothing. They have choosen their lives, and I have choosen mine. I am happy with my choice. Are they happy with theirs?

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Classic DF – 10/20/99

Oct. 20, 1999: One day we grow up… well, not all of us. Sometimes as we progress in our hopes and dreams we leave others behind. Those “friends” often feel betrayed or lost, but in the end there is little left to say. When someone says that they trust you and believe in you as a person that is a great gift, but when that same person later turns to you and says that they think everything you do is wrong. Sure, it’s wrong…. for them. Obviously it is only right for you or you wouldn’t have done it. If a friend says that they will always be there and then that friend runs off to find other friends, is that fair? Is it your duty to stay in contact with that friend when they don’t return your phone calls or e-mails? Or when they do call or write they bash every decision you make; then they tell you their problems, so you try to relate. But, instead of consultation you get another ear full of why they are better then you. Would you honestly want to call that person a friend. Suppose that friend has taken advantage of you for over ten years. Has mistreated you and belittled you infront of women, often degrading your image. Has constantly reminded you how important their work is compared to you. That is not a friend. That is an abusive relationship. No one should ever feel the need to stay in that relationship. It is not your fault that person is immature or disillusioned. Drugs, alcohol, and illicit behavior have destroyed their mind. That is not your fault. If they choose to destroy their body and betray a drug free lifestyle all you can do is stand back and wish them well. That is not your problem. Those who run away from their problems will only find them catch up with even more vigor and pain then originally. If they are jealous because you have found true love through hard work and dedication, but their lying sleazy ways have gotten them nowwhere, don’t feel bad for them… that was their choice. If they are jealous of what you have (and even claim they had it first when they didn’t even really take the time to get to know the person) and they are angry because they walked away from perfection because they were too stupid to see it, they are the foolish one. So move on… I will. If another friend tells you that they want time with their signifigant other and you grant them that time. Then, when their relatioship starts to teeter and they come back to hang out with you like old times. The problem is you’ve grown up and moved on to other things, old times are long dead. If that friend then attacks the person that you love and demands they are controlling; when in reality you have choosen to be with them. Suppose all is you want is the time that your friend was alloted to be with his “love”. But, that friend won’t grant you that time with your love. That isn’t a friend either. No one has stolen you or told you what to do. If you’re in love and someone is jealous of that… well, frankly that too is their problem. People like these are not your friends… they are angry, jealous, and decietful. In the end you not at fault. You have grown up and it is not your job to make them do the same. That is their problem, not yours… in the end there is nothing to say…

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